


Black Lagoon: The Fourth Barrage

by HeroicAlliance (JollyGoth)



Category: Black Lagoon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JollyGoth/pseuds/HeroicAlliance
Summary: Repost from Fanfiction.Net and the follow up to Black Lagoon the Third Barrage which is also on FFN.
Relationships: Rebecca "Revy" Lee/Okajima "Rock" Rokuro
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	1. Bank Lagoon

After me and Rock became billionaires, we met with the Yamato Security, which were now our crew. The Yamato Security were hired muscle, guys in red and black pinstriped polo shirts with black pants and black shoes. I was looking hella badass in my black tank top and black skintight pants with black boots. Rock was wearing a black suit with a red polo shirt. We proceeded to rob a bank in Los Angeles owned by a gang known as the El Coronas, a Spanish crime syndicate. We busted the door open and Rock pulled his two 9mms in the air and fired warning shots.

"Hey assholes!" I said. "You motherfuckers know the drill, put your hands behind your heads before I blow the shit out of them!" I span my guns around like a cowboy and pointed them at the tellers. The tellers opened the doors and we proceeded through them. We were met with bank security guards wearing black armor and looked like some sort of sci fi military soldiers. They were no match for me and Rock, because we iced them like an iced Bacardi. We got to the door leading to the safe, but the door was locked. I set a sticky bomb to the door waiting for it to blow. The door blew up and the safe was ours. We had to wait for Yamato to bring a helicopter to help us carry the safe. There were a group of fans ready to meet us while we were waiting for the helicopter.

"OH MY GOD IT'S REVY!" A black fangirl with dreads and green eyes screamed. "May I have your autograph?" I signed my name on her clipboard. A male fan with blonde hair and glasses had a DVD copy of the movie Pirates In Space, a movie made by Yamato Pictures that he wanted me to sign. I signed my name on the DVD. A female fan with brown hair and glasses took photos with Rock, and a male fan with orange hair and a LA Lakers ball cap took a photo of Rock. When we were waiting for the helicopter, some dumbass hater called the cops on us by pressing the red button. A SWAT Helicopter arrived, blowing a large hole in the building and shooting at us. There were SWAT Agents with assault rifles, thinking they could stop us. I pulled out my pistol and shot at a SWAT Agent from the side. I took his assault weapon and fired it with one hand at the SWAT Helicopter cockpit, killing the pilot and destroying the helicopter. The Yamato helicopter had finally arrived to pick up the safe. We jumped on the safe to defend ourselves from the fucking SWAT.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!" A SWAT Commander said on a loudspeaker. I shot my assault weapon with one hand and shot some SWAT Agents, swatting the SWAT. A SWAT helicopter came, thinking he had a fucking chance against us.

"Todd won't bail you out of this one, neither will Rohan!" A SWAT Agent said over a loudspeaker. I shot down the SWAT helicopter with my assault weapon fired with one hand. A SWAT Agent on a rooftop fired an RPG at the helicopter carrying the safe, destroying the helicopter and bringing the safe down to the top floor where we landed. We were ambushed by SWAT Agents and arrested.

We were taken to jail by the LAPD, being escorted by two black haired twin girls named Camilla and Catalina, who wore matching purple dresses and high heels. They opened up the cell and threw us in there.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOTAS!" Catalina screamed. "You tried fucking with the El Coronas but nobody does, not even my late husband who I killed because he was cheating on me, es tu madre puto!"

"Enough with the fucking gratuitous Spanish and tell me what you plan to do to us." I said.

"We plan to take you far away from Los Angeles so you will never see it again." Camila said. The purple twins left us here to rot in the cell.

"What happened to us?" I told Rock.

"We got rich, that's what happened to us." Rock said.

"No I mean what the fuck happened to us, we traded our balls for tits." I said. "Movie deals, commercials, even public appearances on FUCKING ROLAND!" I was mad out of my mind.

"Take it easy, woman!" Rock said. "You should be proud of what we achieved." Rock was trying his best to convince me that the celebrity life is something worth living. "We got stake in the Roanapur Hotels, we got Roanapur University, and we got some insane shit right here in LA." A man with slicked back black hair and a Spanish Conquistador mustache wearing a dark purple suit with a magenta vest and white shirt with yellow tie was here to see us.

"I will be seeing you now." He said in a Spanish Style voice that sounded like Danny Trejo.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Prep And Landing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy and Rock lose all their money.

The man went to see us in his private airplane bound for Rebel City. We were tied to two chairs in front of him. He was at his desk in a room with purple walls and a golden sun on the floor of the room. There were two golden suns on both sides of the projection screen in front of him. He went to his remote and began his presentation.

"As you can see, the El Coronas, who are part of a three gang organization called the Alliance controls the majority of Los Angeles. We are expanding into Roanapur, buying out shares of the Lagoon-Yamato Media Group." He pulled up a pie chart with 75 percent of the pie belonging to the Alliance, highlighted in magenta, and 25 percent belonging to the Black Lagoon Company, highlighted in red. "You see dear amiga, there is no room for you."

"Listen, you Mexican fuck..." I yelled at the man.

"Please, I am Spanish." He said. "Spain colonized Mexico. By the way, My name is Ronaldo Rodriguez."

"Ronaldo Rodriguez, that sounds like a super villain alias, like Curt Connors, Otto Octavius or Victor Von Doom." Rock said.

"Exactly." Ronaldo said. "That's why my parents gave me a name starting with the same initial as my family name. They wanted me to be an evil genius, and raised me to get where I am now, as the one to destroy the Black Lagoon Company." I broke free from my chair and tried to punch him, but he ran for it. Some male El Coronas in white suits, purple shirts and magenta ties shot at me, while some female El Coronas with white trench coats, purple bras, purple spandex pants and magenta high heeled boots shot at Rock, but accidentally broke him free from his chair. Rock and I proceeded to reach the cockpit as "Don't Stop" played in the background. We started taking out El Coronas by punching them and doing kung fu moves on them, since our weapons were removed when we were taken to jail. We had advanced to First Class, getting to cover while the El Coronas were shooting at us from behind the seats. I charged at an El Corona and stole his gun, then got back to cover. I shot at an El Corona and stole his gun. I gave the gun to Rock. We kept peeping from behind the doorway, shooting at the El Coronas. We got to where the pilot was sitting, and killed the pilot. We then proceeded to fly the plane back to Los Angeles, and I used my experiences flying the VTOL when I killed Yamato to fly us back to Los Angeles. Little did I know that was a tiny little VTOL, and this was a giant cargo plane. I tried turning around, but there were some El Coronas flying in stolen military aircraft with purple El Corona markings on them.

"How the fuck do El Coronas get jet fighters!" I said.

"They are a professional criminal organization." Rock explained. "They may have bought the jets from the military because maybe the military had a surplus of them."

"They look like McDonnells." I said.

"Enough talk, focus on flying back to LA!" Rock told me. I tried flying back to Los Angeles, using my wings to break the planes, flying the plane back to Los Angeles. We were headed for LAX, seeing Los Angeles in the distance. I began the PA announcements.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we are en route to Los Angeles, so make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened, tray tables are in the upright positions and all that other shit, and also make sure all those screaming babies are shut the hell up! You are the parent, so it's your job to control the damn thing! Anyway, enjoy your flight." I flew into the LA airspace, but those damn jets fired at the engines, sending the plane headed on a crash course. I got on the intercom again.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking." I said. "The good news is we will be landing shortly. The bad news is we will be crash landing. The worse news is we will be crash landing in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Hold on tight, it's going to be a hell of a bumpy ride!" I flew the plane to crash land in the middle of the eastern Mojave Desert, crashing into some shrubs and landing. Our plane broke down and blew smoke. We escaped from the plane, while the cargo hold opened, leaking some El Coronas trucks and cars. We got in an El Corona variant of a 2005 Toyota Tacoma, which was purple with the Alliance white pentagram logo on the roof of the truck. We drove away along the Mojave Freeway and into a 7/11 where they have an ATM.

Meanwhile, Ronaldo was with the leaders of the two other Alliance Gangs, the leader of the Sparks, Samuel Blaine, a steampunk goth who had black hair and black eye makeup, and a black top hat with a blue and black coat with a black shirt and pants, and the leader of the Killer Clowns, Jonathan Joker, a clown with lime green slicked back hair, white clown makeup with black diamonds over their eyes, a painted on red nose and red clown lipstick, and a green suit with a magenta shirt and yellow tie, as he began his evil plans to end our whole careers.

"Los Angeles belongs to the Alliance, and the Lagoon Company is not welcome here." Ronaldo said. "Samuel, hack into the Lagoon Company's bank accounts, and leave them with squat!" Samuel hacked into the Lagoon Company bank accounts when we tried to withdraw over a million dollars, but the funds were insufficient. I punched the screen, because I was mad that all our money was stolen from us. We used to be on top of the game, but not anymore.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. We're Going To Need Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rock and Revy storm the military base for guns

We were driving in the stolen Tacoma along the Mojave Freeway with "Hold The Line" playing on the radio. We were driving and thinking about how to get our empire back. Rock had an idea, so he asked me a question.

"Revy, I got an idea." Rock said. "What if we rob the Jacobs Air Force Base." I smiled, because Rock was onto something.

"Now that's what I am talking about!" I said. "Let's go steal some crates of guns and load them onto the truck bed and take them to our crib." Now this is the part of the story where the hero is met with his or her first real challenge. For Naruto, it was the bridge builder dude, and for Luffy, it was that crazy clown fuck. In my story, it is robbing the military base and getting guns. So when we broke through the gates of the military base, we saw some crates located outside a hangar. There were soldiers who wore tan army uniforms, one of which looked like Jean Havoc from Fullmetal Alchemist.

"I will hold them off while you use the forklift to load the crates on the truck." I told Rock. I fired at the soldiers with my gun, holding off the soldiers while Rock loaded the crates on the truck. While Rock was loading the crates on the truck and I was holding the soldiers off, a fleet of red and black helicopters came flying over the base as their shadows appeared over the heraldic werewolf that was the logo of the base. The Lagoon Company soldiers shot at the military soldiers, making the US Army flee. The helicopter touched down, revealing Dutch and Lotton.

"Dutch, you're ok!" I said.

"Bout time the crew showed up." Dutch said. "Everyone in the cargo helicopter, I will carry the truck back to my associate's home in the hills." We got in the cargo helicopter as the helicopter grabbed the truck and headed towards Beverly Hills. We were chased by military aircraft as they chased us through the skies over the desert. We lost them when flying above the Hollywood sign and lower below the height of the mountain so that the military planes crashed into the mountain and exploded. After then it was smooth sailing down to Beverly Hills, where we landed the helicopter and went to see Dutch's associate. Dutch's associate was a rich blonde lady with bobbed hair, sunglasses, a turqouise coat and white shirt, blue jeans and turquoise high heels. She was a classy lady, living the life of luxury in her mansion.

"This is your associate, Dutch?" I said.

"This is Hailey Bynes." Dutch said. "She is a world renowned film director, the female director equivalent of Steven Spielberg."

"So she makes sci fi shit?" I asked.

"Yes." Dutch said. "In a Hollywood running out of originality and filled with remakes, sequels, and superhero movies, Hailey really knows how to bring the spark back to Hollywood. Her movies may not be the most original, but they are still new franchises and new IPs overall."

"Yes, that's right." Hailey said. "My best work is known as Samantha Blaine and the Lost Arabian City."

"Sounds like Indiana Jones stuff." Rock said.

"Bingo." Hailey said with honesty. "That's where I got the idea from." Hailey showed us inside the mansion, and she led us to her film reel vault, where she showed us all the projects she has been working on.

"I don't always do sci fi movies, some of my works are more serious, like this one called The Color Green." She held the Color Green film reel.

"Is that about racism and shit?" I asked.

"Oh it's not just about race, it's about race and money, the awe inspiring tale of a black man who started out in the hood and became a millionaire."

"Emphasis on the Green." Dutch said. "Rolling in money." Hailey showed her one of her prized projects, which was a historical piece.

"Is that a movie about the Bataan Death Marches?" I asked.

"Yes, you are right." Hailey said. "Movies about the Holocaust are so overdone that people forget we also fought Japan in WW2, so this movie called The House of Kaito brings light to the American and Filipino prisoners of war who died in the march. This won me three Oscars because the Oscars are so white that they loved that I portrayed whites as the victims." Hailey closed the vault. "All right, let's get down to brass tasks here. What do you need me for."

"You are rich, so I thought you could get our empire back." Rock said.

"Is it about those El Coronas?" Hailey said. "I hate those guys. They killed my pet Bengal Tiger and set me its head as a warning saying that if I don't make my $50,000,000 payment that they pulled out of their ass, the same thing will happen to me."

"That must have been tough." Dutch said. "We will help you get those Coronas off your back."

"Yea, let's kick their fucking asses!" I said. We took battle stances.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jacobs Air Force Base is based off of Edwards Air Force Base in the Mojave Desert. I did a little Twilight reference because that was everywhere in my teen years. The werewolf logo in the base is a reference to Jacob from Twilight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy and Rock attack an El Coronas penthouse

We were staying in Hailey's house while drinking whiskey with her.

"So Dutch, I heard the El Coronas own a penthouse on West Hollywood that they bought for 45 million." Hailey said. "I think we should capture the penthouse from them."

"How the fuck are we gonna do that?" Rock asked.

"Simple." Hailey said. "My husband has a pilot's license and he will fly you to the penthouse in a helicopter." Hailey's husband, a handsome man with a brown boy cut and green eyes who wore a tan flight suit came with his pilot's helmet.

"Sure thing." Hailey's husband, George said. George led us to the helipad on the roof of Hailey's mansion. George started the engine and flew the helicopter up to the penthouse. When he landed the helicopter on the roof, we jumped out, ready to pop some Coronas, if you know what I mean. I descended to the deck of the Penthouse and saw an El Corona gunman shooting from across the pool. I shot at him with my pistol. Dutch and Rock dropped down and started shooting at the El Coronas on the other sides of the pool. We proceeded inside and were met with more El Coronas. There was an El Corona sniper hiding behind a couch. Dutch pistoled him with the shotgun he could fire with one hand. There were El Coronas that came out from the same couch. I shot at them, killing them. There were more El Coronas on the west side that we were on. I made short work of them. The West was clear, so we had to attack the South. We took out the guards on the South, and moved to the East. We took out the guards on the East and moved to the North. After taking out the guards on the North, some El Corona helicopters came to the rooftops. I grabbed an anti aircraft weapon that was in a briefcase, got to the rooftops where George was still on.

"George, get the hell out of here!" I said. George flew back to his wife safely, while I fired at the helicopters, destroying them. I found the key to the elevator that one of the goons left behind, and the elevator code was 10311. I went down to the elevator and typed in the code, letting in the crew.

"Gentlemen, welcome to paradise!" I said. The crew were settled in, ready to lay low for now.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "El Corona" is incorrect Spanish because Corona is a feminine noun so the correct term is "La Corona" but I just got El Corona from GTA San Andreas, one of the best games if not the best game of all time.


	5. Taking Over The City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy, Dutch, and Rock take over El Coronas turf

I was drinking Bacardi and watching the Lakers play the Knicks, while Dutch came to show me something. He brought along a crate with money in it. He laid down the crate in front of me. When he laid down the crate, it startled me and I switched off the TV.

"What is this?" I said.

"This is all the paper the El Coronas left behind." Dutch said. "They also left behind the deed to the apartment, so we are going to take over Los Angeles."

"How are we going to do it, rob some stores owned by the El Coronas?" I said.

"No." Dutch said. "That would cause more problems than necessary." Dutch paused for a moment. "We have the deed from the El Coronas and the key from the safety deposit box, so we can purchase stores in our name."

"Nice." I said. "Which store are we going to purchase first?"

"Let's hit up Pasadena, where the El Coronas make a large sum of money." Dutch said. "I will get a car and you drive us to the comic book store, where the El Coronas print propaganda comics and shelve it with the clean cut good guy comics like Superman and Spiderman, claiming they are pure heroes. We are going to buy the comic book store, so when those nerds go to buy the comics, we get paid instead of the El Coronas.

Rock tagged along with Dutch and I as we drove to the comic book store. I bought the store so we earn money from it.

"Comic book store belongs to the Lagoon Company." Dutch said. "Now to go where the normal people go, and buy the Apple Store."

"Wait, first we are buying the comic book store, now we are buying an Apple Store?" I said. "Are we an organized crime syndicate or a bunch of nerd whores?"

"It's how we get Los Angeles on our side, man!" Dutch said. "Geek culture is becoming mainstream in this country, so we need to put our money in things that are likely to become popular, it's investment 101." We drove to the Apple Store and bought it for a large sum of cash.

"Perfect!" Dutch said. "Now to get LA on our side. We are heading to the Glendale Galleria to take photos with some fans." I drove to the Glendale Galleria parking lot, and I saw some fans headed to the mall. There was a teenage girl with red hair dye, black eye makeup, hazel eyes, and a black cropped leather jacket over a black leather bikini and white cropped jeans with black studded low heeled boots, and a teenage boy with blue hair dye, glasses, a black skull shirt, a choker necklace, and blue jeans with black and white sneakers came up and squealed for us.

"It's them it's them!" They gathered round us and took a selfie with their phone cameras.

After taking a photo with some alternative fans, Dutch wanted to drive. He took the driver's seat and decided where we should go.

"All right, so the next step is to go to Belvedere Park in East Los Angeles." Dutch drove us to East LA and parked us near some El Coronas stationed in Belvedere Park.

"Revy, go and fuck 'em up!" I pulled out my guns and shot at the tires of their purple cars. They started shooting at me with M4s and MP5s. I rolled and shot at their heads, killing them. I shot the fuel tanks on the cars, blowing them up. I got back in the car as Dutch drove me away.

"There is a large concentration of El Coronas in East Los Angeles, since they are Hispanic and fare well with the local immigrant population." We drove through the streets of East LA and found some El Coronas sitting near the library.

"Go and ice those fools!" Dutch told me. I shot the fuel tanks on the purple lowrider cars and blew them up. I jumped back in the car and Dutch drove us away.

"All right, I think the El Coronas are angry now." Dutch said. "We are headed to Vector's Garage to repaint the car." We stopped at Vector's Garage, the bodyshop in Pasadena, and repainted the car pure white, so it does not raise suspicion. We drove back to the penthouse on Sunset Boulevard and got settled in, ready for relax for now so we could kick El Corona ass the next day.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. Blue Imports

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy is hired by the government to break up a deal with the El Coronas, Sparks, and Leningrad Night, another branch of the Russian Mafia.

I was sitting in the penthouse drinking Bacardi and watching the Los Angeles Lakers, when I had got a call from Todd and Rohan. I answered the phone.

"Hey Revs." Todd said. "You think we have forgot about you, but we haven't."

"Look Todd, why have you followed me into Los Angeles?" I said.

"We are not here to fight, if that's what your concern is." Todd said. "Meet me and Rohan at the Randy's Donuts in Inglewood. I hung up and took a car to Randy's Donuts, ready to meet Todd and Rohan for whatever the hell they were up to. Todd and Rohan were sitting at a booth eating donuts.

"So, Revs, I heard you were fighting the Alliance." Rohan said. "Am I correct?"

"You are indeed." I said. Rohan was munching on his donut and drinking his coffee.

"Listen here." Todd told me, sipping his latte. "Some of those El Coronas are meeting at the docks with some Sparks and a Russian Mafia branch known as Leningrad Night who were at odds with Hotel Moscow. They came in as immigrants to the US after the fall of the USSR. I want you to find the dealer who is in charge of shipping cars and guns to the Alliance and waste him." I nodded. "Is that easy enough?"

"Hell to the yea!" I said.

"Good." Todd said. I left the donut shop and drove the car to the docks. When I arrived at the port of Los Angeles. When I got out of my car, a Leningrad Night soldier came after me with a bazooka. I shot the guy and stole his bazooka. There were some El Coronas, Sparks, and Leningrad Night goons in forklifts. I shot bazooka shells at the forklifts, blowing them up. The Leningrad Night soldiers who wore dark blue mechanic uniforms, disguised as mechanics, shot at me with MP5s. I pulled out my two pistols and shot at them back. I took a Russian mobster's SMG and was met with some Sparks, who wore steampunk gothic clothing. There were women in dark blue corsets, black mini skirts and black high heeled boots and men with blue button down shirts, black steampunk pants and black steampunk vests along with black boots. The El Coronas joined them. The Sparks fired at me with old WW2 SMGs.

"Think some outdated weapons will hurt me?" I taunted the Sparks. "They won't!" I shot at the Sparks and El Coronas, shooting them in the heads. Once I was done with the Sparks and El Coronas, I shot the keypad to the warehouse where the dealer was located. I made my way through the warehouse, running and shooting El Coronas, Sparks, and Leningrad Night soldiers. I got to a double staircase leading to a platform with El Corona snipers, who wore purple trench coats, shirts and pants, magenta ties, and were bald, wearing sunglasses. I shot the snipers and proceeded to reach the office where the dealer was. The dealer wore a dark brown suit and white shirt, and had brown hair and hazel eyes.

"This is the last time I do business in America!" he said. I ran after him, running in hot pursuit of him on foot. He went into his 2006 Dodge Viper, but I did a precise shot at the fuel tank, blowing the car up and killing the dealer. The rest of the El Corona, Leningrad Night, and Sparks goons came after me as a Plan B. I shot an El Corona holding an M4, and grabbed the M4, holding it with one hand, shooting at every last El Corona, Spark and Leningrad Night soldier I could find. I called up Todd on the phone.

"Revy, did you break up the deal and kill the dealer?" Todd asked.

"Yes, I did." I said.

"So here's your next assignment." Todd said. "The El Coronas are running security for the big name stars during the premiere of the hit film Slime Creatures From Outer Space, directed by famed director Jessica James, who the Hollywood Reporter calls the younger sister of Michael Bay."

"Should I go to the red carpet premiere and waste those fools?" I asked.

"Exactly, so NIGHT will have security covered." Todd said.

"Ok will do." I said, hanging up the phone.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	7. The Chinese Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy takes out the El Coronas running security for Hollywood celebrities

I was cruising down the highway, and stopped at the TCL Chinese Theater where the premiere of Slime Creatures from Outer Space was held. I got a phone call from Todd.

"Revy, I have some important advice for you." Todd said. "I have planted a sniper rifle atop the shopping center building across from the theater. Go up top the building and shoot the El Coronas so you don't attract attention." I went behind the shopping center building and climbed up the ladder, onto the roof of the shopping center. I found the sniper rifle, and was ready to shoot some Coronas. I looked through the scope, and saw some El Coronas roughing up some crazy fangirls.

"Sign my boobs!" The fangirls chirped, reacting to the hot male star named James Jackson. The El Coronas came for the fangirls, but they felt the sting of my sniper before they could lay hands on them. There were more El Coronas coming for some rapid fanboys of the female actress Caitlin Thomas, but I made short work of the Coronas before they could get to them. The cop sirens blared, so I had to run. I went back down the ladder, got in my car and drove away. I drove into an alleyway and parked my car in the alleyway near a path leading to a back door. I hid behind the back door, waiting for the cops to clear out.

"We lost the suspect." The cop dispatch said. "All units return to headquarters." I got a call from Todd, asking about the job.

"Did you kill those El Coronas?" Todd asked.

"Yes, I did." I said.

"Good." Todd said. I hung up and called Dutch.

"What is it, Revy?"

"I have a plan." I said. "After everything we could throw at the El Coronas, it's time to bring the fight not just to Ronaldo, and not just Ronaldo, but his whole fucking Alliance."

"So, we are going to attack the Alliance Palace in Santa Monica, a mansion that looks like the White House in design?" Dutch asked.

"Exactly." Revy said. "It is a mansion with an Olympic sized swimming pool, and a boardwalk going into the pool. We will go in and take out Ronaldo and afterwards, the whole Alliance will crumble."

"Great." Dutch said. "I will get to you on that."

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Slime Creatures From Outer Space" is an Al Yankovic song that I listened to when I was like 17 or so. I listened to it on Youtube and read a comment saying that since Hollywood is running out of ideas, Slime Creatures From Outer Space can be the name of the next big summer blockbuster. That's when this idea came to mind as sort of a commentary on Hollywood running out of ideas at this point considering the reboots, sequels and remakes nowadays.


	8. The Spanish Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lagoon Company goes to kill Ronaldo

Back at the penthouse, me, Rock and Dutch were preparing to go after Ronaldo. We were locking and loading, ready to take that fucker out.

"So, you ready to take Ronaldo out?" Dutch said.

"Damn right I am." I said. We did a slow motion walk with "Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears playing in the background. We got in the car and drove off to the Alliance Palace.

"So, we taking out Ronaldo?" Rock said.

"Not just Ronaldo, but his whole fucking Alliance." I said. When we arrived at the gates, we broke the gates open. We were met with El Coronas on the pathway to the front door. We shot at the El Coronas and broke down the front door. There were snipers on both sides of the double staircase leading to the hallway on the second floor. We proceeded up the stairs to get Ronaldo. Ronaldo was seen lurking in the hallways.

"There's Ronaldo, let's cap that fool!" Dutch said. "Sk8r Boi" by Avril Lavigne was playing in the background as we followed Ronaldo in a Scooby Doo fashion. Ronaldo went down the stairs.

"Get us closer, I got to pop this fool!" I said. Ronaldo broke through the window and got in the garage and took a motorcycle.

"Get in the car!" Rock said. We got in the purple Camaro and drove in hot pursuit of the motorcycle.

"Ram that son of a fuck off the road!" Dutch said. We were chasing Ronaldo down the streets of Los Angeles, through a fruit stand and straight through a taco truck like it's not even there. We chased Ronaldo down the streets of Santa Monica, Sunset Boulevard, West Hollywood, and Inglewood. Ronaldo stopped the motorcycle at the DRL Gas station, with its orange ball with the blue DRL letters on the ball. Ronaldo was going into the gas station to get some snacks to eat for the road.

"OH FUCK NO YOU DON'T!" I said. I ran towards Ronaldo, grabbed him, and threw him into a gas pump.

"You like gas, Ronaldo?" I said. "Because I know it's going to like you!" I used the pump to bathe Ronaldo in gasoline. I shot the gasoline, blowing him up and causing a chain reaction blowing up all the gas pumps.

"Well, what now?" Rock asked.

"We got to lay low for a while, get the heat off us." I said. We headed back to the penthouse to hide, waiting for whatever the Alliance will throw at us.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with this chapter. After writing the Sk8er Boi chase scene, I developed an obsession with Avril Lavigne because I listened to a chain of her songs after Sk8er Boi finished. 
> 
> Also, DRL is a reference to the 76 gas station chain, which are common in Los Angeles. DRL is also a reference to DLR, or Daily Language Review, a daily worksheet assignment that I did in 5th grade. Like gasoline, it was fuel, but for our brains.


	9. The Three New Recruits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roberta and Lotton make a return, and a new face named Jeffrey English, a comedian who worked with Jonathan Joker before they split up, joins the team.

Alliance Palace

Jonathan Joker met with Camila, Catalina, and Samuel on a long table in the mansion. He began his address to the Alliance.

"Ronaldo is dead." He began. "That means we need a new leader."

"Can I lead?" Catalina said. "Me and Camila worked with Ronaldo."

"You cannot!" Jonathan Joker said. "We need a general, not an ambassador, and I am more the general type. As I was saying, Ronaldo is no more, and we know who was responsible. The Lagoon Company. So I want anyone to come up with a plan to hurt them in more ways than one."

Lagoon Company Penthouse

I was watching the Clippers game on TV while drinking Bacardi, when Dutch came to check on me.

"Revy." Dutch said.

"Ronaldo's dead, so what now?" I told Dutch.

"We got to find people who hate the Alliance and bring them to us." Dutch said.

"We could always look for Roberta." I said.

"Roberta is far more machine than man now." Dutch said. I heard a news report that her right leg, left arm, right eye, and index and middle finger of her right hand were replaced with synthetic replacements."

"Real interesting." I said. "I want to know where we can find her?"

"She was last located up in a home in Compton." Dutch said. "That's where we can find her." Dutch and I got in the car, and drove to Compton. When we arrived in Compton, there were some Crips and Bloods guarding the houses.

"That's weird, I don't recall Crips and Bloods in the same neighborhood." I said.

"That's because the Crips and Bloods don't bang no more." A black man in a blue shirt, blue pants, and a dark blue Yankees hat said. "Those Alliance fucks wiped them all out, and we all that's left."

"Yea, you can say that again." Another black man with a red bandana, a red tank top and black pants said.

"We are looking for a Roberta, do you know where she is?" I said.

Roberta is in the house we are protecting." The man in red said, opening the door. Roberta came out the door, seen with her mechanical eye, cybernetic leg, cybernetic arm, and robotic fingers. With so many prosthetic attachments, she had shared a fate worse than Edward Elric.

"Hey Roberta, long time no see!" I said.

"Long time no see too, Revs." Roberta said."

Do you know of anyone else who hates the Alliance?" I asked Roberta.

"I know Lotton who lives up in the toy warehouse loft in Santa Fe Avenue." Roberta said. "We should get out of here and see him. Roberta got in the car with me and Dutch as we drove over to the warehouse, and entered the warehouse.

"Lotton?" I said. Lotton was on his computer desk with a lot of heavy computer hardware and monitor screens.

"Revy." Lotton said. "Long time no see."

"What's with the heavy equipment?" I asked.

"That's how we are going to deal with the Sparks." Lotton said. "The Sparks possess hacking technology despite them being steampunk goths, but we have the tech to hack them back."

"Ok, so you know anyone else who hates the Alliance?" I asked.

"One man who was a comedian that used to be in a duet with Jonathan before he went crazy." Lotton answered.

"Which one went crazy?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter." Lotton said. "His name is Jeffery English, he is a comedian who lives in Encino."

"Ok, let's go and find him." I said. We drove to find Jeffery in Encino. When we got there, Jeffery came out of his mansion.

"Thank God you came, because my mansion has been seized by the Killer Clowns." Jeffery said. Jeffery had black slicked back hair, green eyes, and a red suit and black vest with a white shirt and black tie.

"I got this." I said. I turned on my iPhone and "Funhouse" played in the background as I shot at the Killer Clowns. I shot at at the clowns in the front entrance. I walked through the corridors and shot at the Killer Clowns in each room. I got a call from Jeffery.

"The guy running the mansion is a man named Big Daddy." Jeffery said. "Go and waste him." I rushed through the mansion to find Big Daddy and found a clown with a magenta wig and white face paint with black eye and mouth details and a green suit with a green shirt with a yellow tie. I took a sniper rifle off of an island of the kitchen, and did a precise shot at Big Daddy, killing him. Jeffery called me on the phone.

"Have you killed Big Daddy?" Jeffery asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Was it worth it?" Jeffery said.

"Fuck yea." I said.

"Good." Jeffery said. "We will gather all the new recruits of the Lagoon Company for a meeting tomorrow, but for now, how about I buy you a beer?"

"Fuck that, buy me some whiskey!" I said.

"Ok, I'm buying you whiskey." Jeffery said. "Whisky-A-Go Go."

"Damn right." I said, hanging up the phone.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	10. It's A Trap!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy and the others throw a party, but they have been set up

I arrived at the penthouse, and Dutch was throwing a party with Rock, Lotton, Roberta, and Jeffrey. There were a lot of hoes and strippers dancing and playing around.

"What the fuck is going on here?" I said. "Who approved this?"

"Nobody, the hoes just showed up and we let them in." Rock said. "Take it easy, girl!"

"All right!" I said. "Perhaps I could help myself to a sweet margarita." I took the margarita from a hooker, and drank it.

"This is not too bad." I said. A black hooker with a ponytail pointed a gun at me. Several white hookers and black hookers together pointed guns at all of us.

"Holy shit!" Dutch shouted. "We've been set up!" Roberta pulled out her umbrella gun and shot at the hoes. We got to cover while Roberta was fighting off the hoes. She pulled out her machine gun and started firing at the hoes, killing them. Lotton went for his dual SMGS and fired at the hoes. Jeffrey opened a storage closet, containing some pies.

"Who wants some pie?" Jeffery said. He threw pies at the hoes, but the pies were really bombs, and he activated the detonator, blowing up the hoes in bloody explosions. I began to take the stage shooting at the hoes along with Dutch and Rock. The hoes had air support, so I went to grab the rocket launcher in a red crate with the Black Lagoon skull and bones logo on it in black. I found the RPG launcher and went out to see that the hoes had military helicopters. They were firing at the penthouse with their chain guns and turrets. I made short work of the helicopters by destroying them with an RPG launcher. All was clear in the penthouse, for now.

Alliance Palace

"HOOKER ASSASSINS!" Jonathan screamed. "Who thought this would be a good idea?"

"I did." Camila said.

"Very well then." Jonathan said. "Does anyone here like magic tricks?"

"I do!" Samuel said.

"Good, because the magic trick I am going to perform is to make this pencil disappear." Jonathan held a pencil in his hand. "I will need a volunteer from the audience..." There was a brief silence. "Camila!" Jonathan held the pencil on a table, firmly grasping it in place. He then slammed Camila's head into the pencil, stabbing it into her brain, killing her, leaving her with the pencil stuck in her forehead with blood draining out of where the pencil was lodged.

"Da-da!" Jonathan cheered. "The pencil is gone."

"PIG!" Catalina screamed. "What have you done to my sister!"

"She had that stupid idea, so I taught her a lesson." Jonathan said. "Want to join her in hell?"

"I wasn't planning on it, sir." Catalina said.

"Then step in line." Jonathan said.

Lagoon Penthouse

After the awful brawl, we were sitting on the couch drinking Heineken and Lagoon Flow, but I got a call from Rohan.

"Hey Revy." Rohan said. "I have an important job for you."

"I'm listening." I said.

"There exists a private military company known as Academia, and they have a freighter out in the docks full of weapons. I want your team to go and rob the freighter and bring as many weapons as you can to the NIGHT Base near Yosemite National Park. NIGHT has a beef with Academia and we want your support. Steal those weapons and bring them to me, and I will pay you a large sum of cash." Rohan explained.

"Listen, we aren't mercenaries anymore!" I said. "We are organized criminals!"

"Look, Revy." Rohan said. "There are three levels, or four. The bottom of the barrel is gang banging. The second level is bounty hunting. The third is mafia shit like owning businesses, which is what level you are on. The fourth level is law enforcement. This may sound odd, but law agencies don't always get along. Not all cops are friends with each other. Police departments can fight each other like rival gangs. It's in the book man, it's in the book!"

"So this Academia is like a rival agency to NIGHT?" I asked.

"Exactly." Rohan answered. "Their crooked green flag with the black A sends shivers down my spine. Steal the weapons and I will pay you with some dough. Deal?"

"Deal." I said. I hung up the phone.

"Ok people, we got some trouble on our hands." I announced. "Rohan wants us to rob a freighter owned by a private military company known as Academia, so we will have to come up with a plan."

"Those weapons are stored in crates, and crates are moved with a large magnet." Roberta explained. "We could go to Jacobs Air Force Base and steal a cargo helicopter."

"Roberta, you are a genius." I said, shaking hands with Roberta and engaging in lesbian innuendo with her by hugging her.

"You heard Roberta, let's get that cargo helicopter!" I said. We proceeded to the base to get the helicopter.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Academia" is not a stab at My Hero Academia. It is a reference to Academi, a private military organization infamous for their actions in Iraq and Afghanistan. I do not wish to pick a fight with the MHA fandom, because they get rather defensive of MHA and who knows what they are capable of.


	11. The Freighter Heist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lagoon Company attacks an Academia freighter, while Academia and the Alliance plan to blow up the Hollywood sign and frame the Lagoon company for it.

When we arrived at the base, we saw the helicopter perched on a helipad on a high platform only accessible by stairs, and it was guarded by military soldiers.

"Roberta, let's show these military fucks how we do things downtown!" I said. I shot at the soldiers with Roberta. Roberta used her metal hand and her organic hand with metal fingers to shoot at the soldiers. Some jeeps arrived, but Roberta made short work of them with her grenade launcher. A tank showed up to take us down. It fired its cannon.

"Get too cover, TANK!" I said. I found a rocket launcher in a crate and fired at the tank, damaging it, but not destroying it. Roberta hit it with her grenade launcher and it blew up.

"What, for just some girls!" A soldier said. "Fall back!" The soldiers retreated, as that was our chance to retrieve the helicopter.

"Everyone follow Revy!" Dutch said. Everyone followed me, as I led them to the helicopter. We got in the helicopter and proceeded to the Academia freighter. The helicopter was flying through the stormy seas outside Los Angeles, headed for the freighter. The Academia flags flew over the freighter, giving it a pirate ship feel. There were dark blue helicopters carrying blue soldiers who shot at us.

"Academia, shoot them down!" Dutch said.

"This is a cargo helicopter, I don't have any weapons!" I told Dutch.

"Then I will shoot them down." Roberta said. She opened the doors and fired her machine gun at the cockpits, destroying the helicopters. We hovered over the crates of weapons and decided which one to choose. I called Rohan via radio.

"This is Alpha Romeo Lima to Control Tower, over!" I said.

"This is Control Tower, over." Rohan said. "What do you need me for?"

"I cannot decide what crate to choose, over!" I said.

"Just pick any of them, I don't really give a shit." Rohan said.

"Copy that." I said. I chose a green one with the Academia logo on it, and grabbed it via the magnetic crane.

"Alpha Romeo Lima to Control Tower, I have the crate!" I said.

"Good." Rohan said. "Proceed to the base outside Yosemite National Park." We flew to the base outside Yosemite, a fortress surrounded by redwoods, lush grass, and mountain cliffs. Rohan called me.

"Control Tower to Alpha Romeo Lima, drop the crate on the flatbed truck outside of the warehouse." Rohan told me. We placed the crate on the truck and landed on the helipad. Rohan came to greet us.

"Good work, Team!" Rohan said, congratulating us. "I will transfer the money to your accounts soon."

Academia Headquarters, Outside Sequoia National Park

In the Academia HQ outside Sequoia, the Academia leader, Mr. Lance Griswold, a statuesque man with a shaved grey head and beard, an artificial golden right eye, and wearing a blue Nazi SS like uniform with a green armband with the A logo on it, complete with a blue cap with the Academia Eagle carrying a circle with the Academia A. He was at a meeting with the Alliance leaders, Catalina, Samuel, and Jonathan.

"Glad you could make it, Alliance." Lance said.

"Nice to have you, Commander Griswold." Jonathan said.

"My pleasure." Lance said. "Listen, our freighter was attacked by a military helicopter that was probably stolen by the Lagoon Company, so we decided that we should get revenge."

"What do you mean?" Catalina asked. "Kill the Lagoon Company?"

"That would be too easy." Lance said. "I am talking about kidnapping some of their crew, put them on top of the mountain where the Hollywood sign is, and we will plant bombs around the Hollywood sign, so we can frame the Lagoon Company for blowing up a treasured symbol of the entertainment industry."

"No!" Catalina screamed. "I will not take part in this!"

"Why not?" Lance said.

"Hollywood means everything to me." Catalina said. "From West Side Story to the 90s Zorro movies, it made me proud to be Latina, as there is always going to be something for everyone in Hollywood."

"She has a point." Samuel said. "That sign represents the rich culture of the movie business through the years. Not just motion pictures, but TV and music too. Where else would I be provided with The Cure, Tim Burton, Elvira, and even the Bella Lugosi Dracula and the Christopher Lee Dracula?"

"So we quit the Alliance!" Catalina and Samuel said in unison. Samuel and Catalina walked away.

"I guess it's just you and me, Jonathan." Lance said.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	12. To Live and Die In Los Angeles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revy and the Lagoon Company save the Hollywood Sign from destruction

We were back at the penthouse, sitting at a table. We were drinking Bacardi, discussing what our next move was.

"So, I just heard back from Hailey, she wants us to make Pirates In Space 2: Here We Go Again." Dutch said.

"Fuck that, we are done being corporate whores." I told Dutch. A white and green military aircraft flew directly at the pool, crash landing into the window, breaking it. It fell, breaking the railing that prevents pool attendees from falling off. Me, Dutch, and Rock got in the car and drove off. Roberta called me on the phone.

"The city is falling apart!" Roberta said. "Find a battle zone and take care of those Academia soldiers and Killer Clowns!" We drove to a battle zone and saw some Academia soldiers and Clowns shooting at us. I shot at the Academia soldiers with a Desert Eagle, while Dutch shot at them with his M4. Rohan came driving a NIGHT tank.

"Care for backup?" Rohan said.

"Certainly." I said. We got in the tank and drove over all the Killer Clowns and Academia soldiers. We headed on to the next battle zone, breaking through Academia roadblocks and crushing all forces that got in our way. When we got to the next battle zone, the Lagoon Crew showed up, including Roberta.

"Roberta, are you feeling well?" I asked.

"I have never felt better, more than I could say for Academia." Roberta answered. NIGHT came to reinforce the Lagoon Crew, shooting at the Killer Clowns with laser guns. The El Coronas and the Sparks came to reinforce the Lagoon Company, as their fighter jets fired missiles at the Killer Clown trucks and Hummers and the Academia tanks and jeeps. Catalina came charging on an El Coronas convertible. Samuel came charging on a Sparks Convertible, as some Sparks fighter jets took out the Killer Clowns. I got a call from Lance, the leader of Academia.

"Revy, It's time that people in Los Angeles wake up and smell what scum like you are to the people of America." Lance said.

"Why don't you just turn me in and arrest me if that's what you want." I said.

"Arresting you would be too easy." Lance said. "I have planted bombs around the Hollywood Sign so people would see the threat that the Lagoon Company is to America."

"The Lagoon Company is not about domestic terrorism." I said.

"We will see when your friend Lotton is found at the wreckage." Lance said.

"Listen everyone!" I said. "Lotton needs our help! Lance and Academia have threatened to frame us for blowing up the Hollywood Sign. We need to get up the mountain and defuse the bombs."

"Take a NIGHT Jet." Rohan said, calling in the jet. When the jet arrived, we got in the jet and went to defuse the bombs. When we got up top the mountain where the Hollywood Sign was, we went to defuse the bombs.

"How do we defuse the bombs?" Rock asked.

"Cut the red wire, as usual." I said. "It's always the red wire, and never the green wire."

"Ok, will do Revy." Rock said. We went to the bombs and cut the red wires. I untied Lotton, and all looked well, but Lance and Jonathan were still at large.

"You know what?" I said. "I have been narrating this story this whole time, so it's time I become the writer." I took the stage as the writer of the story. Now that I was the writer, Jonathan Joker was catching a plane out of Los Angeles, so I made the plane crash into the Grand Canyon, exploding in a giant fireball. Jonathan was no more. Lance was escaping on his Academia staff car, driving through the Mojave Desert, but I made him lose control of the car and he fell off a cliff and died. I returned control of the story to the actual writer after I killed Lance and Jonathan.

"What in Avril's name did you just do?" Dutch asked.

"I became the writer of this fan fiction." I said. "I killed off Jonathan and Lance."

"Great, so what do we do now?" Dutch said.

"We go back to ballin in Roanapur." I said. We got in Rohan's plane, headed for Roanapur, as "Rock and Roll" by Avril Lavigne played in the background.

"I'm getting too old for this nonsense." I said, waving to the camera as the credits rolled.

THE END


End file.
